I am italian, so:

• I believe I am the best lover in the world.
• I watch football all the time and it is my second religion.
• I wear very fancy clothes.
• I regularly eat Spaghetti for lunch and Pizza for dinner.
• I am always late (if I am early I will find the way to be late anyway).
• I drive in a crazy way.
• I do not speak English at all, actually I know only the most stupid ways to make compliments to foreign women.
• I speak with gestures.
• I am extremely loud.
• When I am on vacation I like to travel with many people from my country.
• I think family is the biggest value of the world. Italian mothers are VERY protective of their children (especially their sons). They say if you marry an Italian man, you marry his mother.

I am an Italian-American, so:

• I have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $179 stove from American Appliance in the basement to cook.

• Strohmeman and Wonder was for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches only.
• There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living-room, front, porch and backyard, a portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra in the dining room.

• God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee, Franco American, Ragu, Prego or anything else in a jar or can (tomato paste is the exception).
• The following are Italian Holidays- First weekend in October- Grapes for the Wine, 3rd weekend in August- Tomatoes for the Sauce Speaking of which, it's Sauce and not Gravy.
• Meatballs are made with Pork, Veal and Beef. We are Italians, we don't care about cholesterol so turkey is an infamnia.
• Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna.
• If anyone EVER says ES-CAROLE, slap em in the face - its SHCAROLE for that matter, if they ever say ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP, let the idiot know that there is no wedding nor is their an Italian in the soup. Also, the tiny meatballs must be made by hand.
• No matter how hard you know you were going to get smacked, you still came home from church after communion, you stuck half a loaf of bread in the gravy pot, snuck out a fried meatball and chowed down- you'll make up for it next week at confession.
• Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but can nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen, while you are in the living room.